Monday Morning 10.16

When I’m tired, I tend to do things I shouldn’t.

I’m not talking doing things that are bad or would get me locked up.

No, it is kind of like me doing things and believing in ideas that, when I am rested and ready to tackle the day, would never cross my mind. The tiredness causes me to think irrationally about a lot in my life, both personal and professional. What happens when I am in this mode of pooped-outness, I will spend hours thinking and plotting and daydreaming about any personal or professional scenario that ends with everything working out great.

The only problem is that when I finally get some rest and think about the ideas from the day before, they make no rational sense.

A psychologist once told me that when I get into these wormholes of thinking irrationally, it shows that I’m burnt out and need a rest. Of course, I constantly deny that I need time off, and my brain overcompensates for being tired by overthinking and overworking, making situations worse for me.

Right now, I’m tired.

Admittedly, my sleeping habits stink. I wake up too early and go to bed way too late. I worry about everything and work like crazy to make less worrisome to me and others. I pray, but not enough. I don’t take time to really relax. Even on a Monday that is my scheduled day off in the week, I find myself this morning working on church stuff and cleaning around the house and folding clothes that were just washed and wondering if I should change the sheets on the bed (YES!) and planning to have the oil changed in my car and returning the recycling to the borough recycling center and figuring out what I want to eat for the rest of the week so I can go out and buy the stuff and cook it and prepare leftovers for the next five days so all that I have to do is heat it up. Instead of sitting down and clearing off my DVR, I want to figure out what my schedule is going to be the rest of the week and plan on tackling my work and personal to-do-lists like a rabid animal.

At 8 AM I decided to sit down for breakfast, a meal that consisted of toast with almond butter, coffee, and a banana. Sitting at the kitchen table, listening to the downstairs dryer spin with towels and cloths that were just washed, I just felt awful. The tiredness of sleeping less than four hours (again) coupled with a large list of things I need to get done is making feel blah. I need to unplug today.

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Today, in the most basic sense of understanding Jesus in Matthew 11, this is me.

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